Struwwelpeter: Ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon

STRUWWELPETER usually reads an Afrikaans daily during the week and the Sunday Times on Sunday. This is because he wants to know what and how the black people who write letters to the editor think.

And that is always interesting. Herewith some extracts:

“Affirmative action must go if SA is to flourish” – Herman Mashaba

“Passion and hard work are all that is needed for business, not deployment of comrades to positions that they will be unable to execute.” – T Maope

“I am 100 per cent in agreement with Herman Mashsaba on the issue of affirmative action. It has run its course and has no place in a progressive economy. It’s only effective as a manipulative tool for the elite to promote cronyism, a disregard for service delivery and corruption. The government should have used the past 21 years to build capacity in order to abandon this form of racism “ – S Ngobo

And then a comment from a sharp Durbanite, N Ganesh: “The sky’s the limit as chartered jets boost Zuma’s Moscow travel bill. Bureaucratic bungling coupled with the hire of three luxury jets to have President Jacob Zuma and his entourage returned to our shores will no doubt compromise the electorate at large, as millions will have been spent on this grandiosity.This rampant opulence is a travesty in a country where most people merely eke out a living.”

* * *

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel may benefit!

Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz or Merlot. Life is a Cabernet old Chum!

(Thanks Dr Ken)

* * *

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law? I’ll lose my licence! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

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